New Year's resolutions Man About Sports hopes for

For an improved sports world, some better-late-than-never New Year's resolutions MAS would like to see made — and carried out:

■ MLB — We will make the wild card round of the postseason a best-of-three affair and not a grossly unfair one-and-done deal following a marathon 162-game regular season.

■ NFL — We'll trim the exhibition season to 3 contests, begin the 16-game regular season a week earlier and expand the playoffs to include a four team, all-wild card first round. This will better prevent a deserving 10-6 ball club from being left out of the postseason while a divisional winner with a losing record makes the field — as happened this campaign.

■ Sabermetricians — We will stop sucking the fun out of pro sports by injecting into them our ever-expanding list of boring and speculative "advanced analytics". Example: Using WAR (Wins Above Replacement) to judge an MLB player's value by calculating (i.e. guessing) how many more or fewer wins per season player X is worth to his team than another hypothetical player would be. ZZZZZZZZ!!

■ NFL Rules Committee — We will outlaw the asinine self-celebratory behavior now rampant in our run-amok league after even the most routine of plays — no more premeditated think-you're-cool-but-act-the-fool dancing or meathead posturing allowed.

■ Baseball Hall of Fame — We will rescind the membership of manager Tony LaRussa who rode the shirttails of admitted or suspected PED users Mark McGwire, Jose Canseco and Jason Giambi into the Hall; if they don't deserve election, neither does LaRussa.

■ NFL commissioner Roger Goodell — I'll do away do away with the Pro Bowl rather than have a repeat of last year's travesty when two spotlight-addicted ex-stars played general manager and chose up sides playground style. The resulting charade was an insult to many players who had earned cherished all-star berths.

Example: dynamic receiver DeSean Jackson was one of the LAST guys picked and understandably peeved.

■ Gregg Popovich, San Antonio Spurs coach — I'll cease giving snarky, clipped answers to polite media questions — no matter how innocuous; I now realize such smarmy behavior is not a sign of wit, but rather of ignorance.

■ Football studio shows on TV — We'll feature more knowledgeable and articulate panel members like Robert Smith (former Minnesota Vikings running back) and fewer blowhards like Keyshawn Johnson and Deion Sanders, whose butchered English and malapropisms make Yogi Berra sound like Olivier performing Shakespeare.

■ Manny Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather, Jr. — We'll fight each other in the match every boxing fan wants to see — and do it before we get our AARP cards and no one cares anymore.

■ NCAA football coaches — We'll stop acting like we're too busy or important to do a 30-second halftime TV interview for millions of viewers. We will stop and patiently answer the two perfunctory questions rather than responding on the run with the huffing and puffing on-field interviewer tagging along.

■ MLB umpires — We will call a rule book strike (over the plate, letters-to-knees) instead of using our disgraceful, individually distorted strike zones that keep players guessing from game-to-game what a strike is.

■ Pink-wearing sports teams — We'll also mix in some sky blue in our unis during October to promote much-needed prostate cancer awareness among our Dads and brothers.

■ College Football Playoff honchos — We'll expand the postseason field from four to eight teams, with one of the additional spots automatically going to the highest ranked team OUTSIDE the "Power 5" conferences. This eliminates both the chance of a deserving fifth-ranked team (see TCU) being left out while insuring the non-Power 5 leagues are not discriminated against.

■ National anthem singers at U.S. sports events — We will respectfully perform "The Star-Spangled Banner" as it was intended and not mutilate it with our personalized pop or soul interpretations; henceforth, we will emulate Canadian musicians who ALWAYS get the marvelous "O Canada" right.

■ Jerry Jones, Dallas Cowboys owner — I'll ask the TV networks not to show my nip-and-tuck mug 20 times a game while I'm in my emperor's box either wearing a look of concern or high-fiving lackeys and hangers-on after a good play.

■ NCAA basketball coaches — We'll be more like Southern Cal headman Andy Enfield (formerly of Florida-Gulf Coast March Madness fame) who turns his players loose with his "Dunk City" brand of ball and does not transform them into plodding robots by orchestrating their every move from the sidelines. Fans come to see the players perform — not us.

■ San Francisco 49ers management — We will have our brains examined for forcing out Jim Harbaugh as coach, after he restored our team's former greatness following years of futility.

■ MLB players — We won't wear our pant bottoms at knee length (because it makes us look like Revolutionary War soldiers) or sloppily drooping over the back of our shoes (because it's the grounds crew's job to drag the infield).

We will bring back the upper calf pant-length while wearing socks with stirrups — the classic Mickey Mantle look.

■ Authors of books on football fundamentals — We'll stop using the quaint and antiquated term "blocking" and start calling it what it really is these days: shirt grabbing.

■ Fantasy league owners — We will get a life that includes watching sports for the pure enjoyment of the games themselves — no more Walter Mitty-Junior General Manager nonsense for us.

■ The Japan Times — We'll give MAS a hefty raise (or at least let him keep his job despite his "resolutions rant").

Contact Man About Sports at: [email protected]