The E-List digs fancy threads, and for a sharp-dressed man, look no further than Hokkaido Nippon Ham Fighters outfielder Tsuyoshi Shinjo.

News photoHokkaido Nippon Ham Fighters outfielder Tsuyoshi Shinjo in his collared shirt during a game against the Fukuoka Softbank Hawks April 30.

Shinjo -- more Ham than Fighter these days -- announced his retirement during the hero interview after a game at Tokyo Dome earlier this season, and after putting on a dazzling array of home runs and shoestring catches during the series, limped out with a beaded sequin trucker hat, emblazoned with No. 1 -- where Shinjo is on his jersey and in his mind.

Going beyond the his hat -- gaudy enough to get him shot on Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras -- Shinjo tweaked his on-field ensemble before Sunday's game against the Fukuoka Softbank Hawks.

Heads turned, babies cried and rigid Japanese who are still upset the Pacific League uses a designated hitter cringed when Shinjo strutted (because he hasn't "walked" in years) onto the field with a collared shirt underneath his jersey.

Complaints ensued and chuckles spilled out, but the next day, Nippon Professional Baseball sided with the Hawks, telling Shinjo not to do it anymore.

He probably wouldn't want to anyway after going 0-for-4 at the plate.Word has it he rang up Masato Mizuno to see about platform spikes to unleash on unsuspecting fans in Kobe.

SPEAKING OF KOBE, Tokyo Apache coach Joe Bryant and the rest of the bj-league gang gathered last weekend to sort out who would win the league.

Wouldn't you know it, the best team from the regular season turned out to be the best team after the final buzzer at Ariake Colosseum. Congratulations to the Osaka Evessa and MVP Lynn Washington on taking the title. The postgame ceremony was better than that which followed the last basketball championship the E-List witnessed (shout-out to the boys and girls in the Ohio High School Athletic Association), but the List's opposition to "We Are the Champions" is worth mentioning. Can people just leave Freddie Mercury and that blasted song out of it?

Although Bryant's team lost in the semifinals and had to play in the consolation game Sunday, "Jellybean" was all smiles after his team took care of business to end the year on a high note.

Bryant was so happy, he tackled Japan Times reporter Kaz Nagatsuka on his way into the postgame press conference. Once Nagatsuka's heart got back out of his throat, things were pretty much normal.

WHILE SPINNING YARNS outside Yakyu, the List will revisit last week's presser with Zico at the Foreign Correspondents' Club of Japan. The Brazilian icon suited up in the 1982 World Cup, in which West Germany and Austria played to a 1-0 German victory so both teams could advance from pool play to the second round, leaving upstart Algeria out in the cold. It is the most famous example of soccer's ongoing rule about back scratching.

Zico is from Brazil. Japan plays Brazil in pool play. Japan and Brazil play the group's final match, just like the Germans and Austrians did. So the List checked with the Boys in Blue's fearless leader, hoping to gauge what kind of chance Arthur Antunes Coimbra (call him Zico) thought the Green Machine could give the Japanese a hookup. Perhaps to shut out the Australians, or heck, even Croatia.

Zico/Coimbra didn't like the question.

"Absolutely not," he said. "In 1982, I was there, and I thought it was a shame. Entities like FIFA should show more strength against agreements like that. ... Never should there be any agreement. The teams weren't properly punished, and if they were, maybe things would be different now."

The List loves integrity as much as anything, so if nothing else, it is worth documenting Zico's staunch opposition several weeks before the beautiful game's grand spectacle kicks off. And if Japan loses to Brazil by just the score needed to send both teams to the second round in a match dogged with ridiculous footie play like the '82 bamboozler, James Mulligan already has his first question for the post-match interview.

Zico's cold stare would be worth Konishiki's weight in FCCJ coasters. But for now, the List will take the coach at his word.

ALTHOUGH KONISHIKI'S WEIGHT in diamonds a better haul, the List will settle for a return to the baseball diamond, this time sparring with favorite Kazuhiro Kiyohara.

Kiyohara's NPB heavyweight clash with Jeremy Powell was postponed when the Orix Buffaloes were forced to deactivate Kiyohara for the second time in April, this time with an injured left thigh muscle.

Kiyohara had said he would be charge the mound and clobber (List's rough translation) whoever gave him career plunk No. 197, but after going back on the shelf, he left hope of good sense prevailing, saying that maybe he would calm down and feel better about things while he was away.

Two words come to mind here, but the substance to utter them is floating in the vapors, outside the realm of quantifiable fact. In the meantime, Dr. List prescribes a healthy dose of I-will-not-flip-out juice for Kiyohara-san.

FOR ANYONE WHO missed it, Yusaku Iriki tested positive for steroids, earning a 50-game suspension under Major League Baseball's new policy. Way to go, homeboy.

Iriki, just wandering into free agency after wrapping up a few years with the Nippon Ham Fighters, proved just how desperate he was to keep his baseball career on that side of the Pacific.

Iriki "disappointed" the New York Mets with his positive test, but what about his fans in Japan?

If Midori Ito was compelled to apologize to her country for not winning the women's figure skating gold medal at Albertville, France, in 1992, what should Iriki do? Hari kari?

Short of that, he should buckle down and emulate Takashi Saito, who has taken advantage of Eric Gagne's achy-breaky elbow to hollow out his own little place in the Los Angeles Dodgers' bullpen.

THINGS ARE GETTING crazy here around Listville. Drop a line to [email protected] if you missed this week's episode of "Smallville."