NEW ORLEANS -- The nation is reeling in the aftermath of a startling revelation from the White House: For the first time in its history, the United States is functioning entirely without an executive branch.
"We promised to run the presidency like a business," noted former Vice President Dick Cheney, who gave an impromptu interview between heart transplants. "The corporate equivalent to the president is a CEO, and CEOs don't do anything, unless you count drinking and playing golf with bald white men. It only took us until the afternoon of Jan. 20 to realize that we could give George the next four years off."
As part and parcel of the new absentee administrative strategy, Bush has spent the last six months playing golf with bald white men and, when his wife isn't paying attention, drinking with bald white men. According to Beltway insiders, the former president can be found most afternoons at District of Columbia video game arcades. He also enjoys killing time at the $3 movie theater at Minnesota Avenue and D Street. "I also like TV," Bush is said to have admitted.