Errors are the building blocks of linguistic success, the scholars tell us reassuringly. They can also be painful, embarrassing and — at least afterward — funny.

On the phone to a maintenance company recently about a collapsed curtain rail in our apartment, I told the person on the other end 木の中にネギを入れた (Ki no naka ni negi o ireta, I put an onion into the wood). What I meant to say instead of ネギ (onion), of course, was ネジ (neji, screw). My wife couldn't stop laughing when she heard. I pasted the conversation online, prompting some journalist friends to dredge up their own bloopers from years of Japanese learning. Here are some of the best (or worst).

John Harris recalls trying to tell someone in a bar that he was a 編集者 (henshūsha, editor) but instead saying 変態者 (hentaisha, which could be interpreted as "pervert person" but isn't an actual word). Guardian correspondent Justin McCurry still mixes up きんぴら (kinpira, sauteed vegetables）and チンピラ (chinpira, thug) after a few drinks. Barbara Bayer, a former Japan Times editor, says she was so excited to discover red bean paste (アンコ) in a shop that she shouted out ウンコ大好き (Unko daisuki, I love poo).