Did somebody use the word "bland" in describing the Japanese male temperament? Wrong. Misinformed. Arienāi! (ありえなーい, not possible!) Okay, maybe my countrymen are bland in some areas best not mentioned in polite conversation. But let me set the record straight: the Japanese male is a toritsukareta (取り憑かれた, obsessive), shōdōteki (衝動的, impulsive), gōyoku (強欲, greedy), downright yajyū (野獣, beast)! At least when it comes to ramen.

You heard right: that greasy, steaming bowl laced and layered with fatty calories, has the power to make grown men stand in line for an hour, in all kinds of weather. It will transform a depressed, morose man with thoughts of suicide into a babbling, happy rāmen-baka (ラーメンバカ, a fool for ramen). So fevered is the man-ramen relationship, that we have now reached an era where one out of two Japanese men between the ages of 40 and 74 have been diagnosed with, or are in the preliminary stages of having naizōshibō shōkōgun (内蔵脂肪症候群, metabolic syndrome).

For all that, nothing brightens the Japanese male countenance quite like a bowl of ramen, preferably with a beer. Even better is when the ramen shop is the type to have bowls of nama ninniku (生にんにく, raw garlic) lined up on the counter, which customers are free to add to their bowls. Can you wonder that the dating scene is as dead as a doornail? All those men out there not caring what they smell like.