Those who say that "Somewhere" is too slow and goes nowhere are probably missing the point. Sofia Coppola — the filmmaker behind this droll Hollywood fairy tale — loves the static state: She's a rare American woman who gives the impression of never having rushed anywhere her entire life. Behind her stretches a metaphoric Tuscan countryside paved over with a fashion runway (showing Marc Jacobs — Coppola's preferred brand) and dotted with cafes where people linger endlessly over drinks under shady awnings. Take the young wife (played by a languid Scarlett Johansson) in Coppola's "Lost in Translation" — she spent almost a whole week at the Park Hyatt in Shinjuku cocooned in her moods, doing absolutely nothing but being herself.
In "Somewhere," Coppola takes that pace several steps further (or back, as it may be) to set the speed dial somewhere between "catatonic" and "totally unhurried." During the first 20 minutes of this 100 minute movie, there's no dialogue. In the opening sequence, there's not even a human being — just a mind-numbing sequence of a black Ferrari roaring aimlessly around a desert track for what feels like eternity.
When we are finally introduced to protagonist Johnny Marco (Stephen Dorff), an A-list Hollywood action star whose distinguishing features are a deceptively short stature and a terribly meaningless existence, the significance of the Ferrari hits home. Johnny is capable of much silliness to keep a monstrous boredom from eating at his life, and that includes such escapades as driving a race car in the middle of nowhere, or summoning two pole dancers (twins) into his hotel room only to fall asleep during the performance.