Remember what British guitar-pop was like in the '80s. No? Exactly. Because it was all totally forgettable apart from The Smiths (who were gods and thus an exception).

You see, I have access to secret Whitehall files that show that all the other indie bands of the '80s were actually aliens. Sucked through a wormhole in outer space (where there is no sound and therefore no rock 'n' roll), they were spat out over England. There, unfortunately, they discovered sound and raided instrument stores, stole guitars and formed bands called, err . . .

Being hyper-intelligent beings, they mastered the instruments instantly and played lovely jangly guitars, but with no knowledge of the history of pop, they didn't have the blueprint of how to master a foot-tapping tune.