Good news: We members of the Japanese masu-komi were privileged to attend the premiere press conference for Tim Burton's "Planet of the Apes."

Bad news: There was not a single screening of the film prior to the press conference.

Result: Tim Burton, Tim Roth, Estella Warren and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa appear and when they asked "Any questions?" there was an embarrassed silence. "All right, bye!" said Tim Roth, and jokingly prepared to make a dash for the door. Questions came, awkwardly, ones like "I saw the preview to the film and it looks like there's this really cute chimp . . ." Answers were often just as weird. Tagawa, somewhere deep inside his full ape makeup, replied, "Ano saaa, mmph-mmph mmmble mmm . . ."