I'm often asked what kind of misfits bother writing to Fuzzy Logic and what they say and as I'm busy lying on a beach in Thailand -- having my toes sucked by a bunch of cherry-lipped ladyboys while sipping a sexy cocktail and sucking on a big fat exotic stoogie -- I've decided to give you a few examples . . .

Dear Mr. Bartz, You spent a whole article writing about Bonnie Pink! You did, I read it (So it wasn't a dream. -- SB). It was probably the most boring article you have ever written, and one of the reasons why is because Bonnie Pink is, has been, and will forever remain a big black hole in the face of popular music. Her image, her music, her persona is boring.

If it weren't for lines about sniffing coke, stealing imported cheeses, smashing glasses and slugging people, I would've turned inside out from yawning. I first met her five years ago when she had pink hair (You're starting to sound like a demented stalker. -- SB). Her record company at that time thought she was going to be bigger than John Wayne's underwear (Mr. Wayne's underwear seemed big 'cos there was little inside. So he acted tough and fired big guns. -- SB), and spent the next few years trying to prove that perception is reality. They failed. Perhaps they paid you to write about this as extra promotion, "Write about her or you'll never get to any good bands again" type of thing. If so, then I can understand and forgive you for the article. Cheers, Chris Glenn.