I now realize why the Japanese often don't smile for photos: They're hiding their wrinkles. And it works. I've even figured out that if I went around never smiling, I'd look 10 years younger. Unfortunately I can't, so I'll have to continue to look like the happy old hag that I am.

But you never realize how many wrinkles you have until you see a photo of yourself and think, "I never knew I had a triple chin!" And, "Look at those crevasses around my eyes? That's dangerous! Someone could fall into one of those." Soon they'll be so deep I'll have to have little red flags around my eyes to caution those who walk too close to me. For extra protection, I might even put up a little sign that says, "Watch your step!"

I once made the mistake of sending a head shot of myself, smiling, to use on a flier to advertise a speech I was giving at some local government hall. I sent my passport size photo to the venue, where they decided it was too small, so enlarged it 1,000 times on a copy machine. They then churned out hundreds of A-4 size copies.