I have a confession: I've always wanted to be a bison.

There's just something about those big hairy shoulders, trim waists and their calm, cool disposition even under adverse circumstances. I'd love to be able to amble across the plains the way they do, seemingly without a care in the world. They're just what I've always wanted to be: big, hairy and threatening.

Besides, baby bison claves are so cute! I already have two calves — just the wrong kind. And why oh why are we females limited to underarm body hair?! As a bison babe, I'd never have to worry about being cold in the winter time again.