All is fair in love and war, but still there are rules. At least -- according to a romance-reading colleague -- there are rules in love stories.
You know -- in the slasher sendoff film "Scream," nerdy Randy Meeks (played by Jamie Kennedy) sets down the rules for horror movies. Such as: You won't survive if you have sex, do drugs or drink, or are dumb enough to pronounce, "I'll be right back."
What's more, when confronted with a strange noise, you must never ask, "Who's there?" Or -- heaven forbid -- step outside to investigate.