All the talk of royalty these days has got me to thinking -- has anyone else ever wondered why so many royal words are associated with toilets? Think about it. You sit on the throne. If you're a woman in a public bathroom in Japan, you probably use the Oto Hime (Sound Princess) to cover up the sounds of tinkling. If you step onto a yacht, you are likely to use a toilet made by Crown. It begs the question: Is there really a connection between royalty and toilets? The answer requires me to plunge further into the toilet psyche.

On one hand, maybe manufacturers have come up with these names so that we will believe that their products are somehow endorsed by the royal family. If so, I'd like to know if they are receiving royalties. Or perhaps toilet companies want us to feel like a pampered royal when we use their products. If so, then why should we be encouraged to feel royal, of all places, while on the toilet? We might be forgiven for having a whimsical royal moment while driving around town in our Toyota Crown, or when tasting the luxurious flavor of Crown Royal whiskey, but while on the toilet? You'd think that even on the most luxurious of yachts, the mere thought of sitting on the crown would be an insult to the royal families of the world.

Butt, you say, perhaps toilet companies are merely suggesting their products are at the standard that a royal would use -- good enough to be the head of state.