Today begins o-Higan, the week of the spring equinox, which is a national holiday in Japan. It is also traditionally a time to visit grave sites. However, unlike Bon, when everyone and their dog returns to their ancestral home to visit family graves, Higan is practiced mostly by those living near the graves of their relatives. Most people leave a few cut green branches and flowers by the graves and pour water over the gravestone to complete the ritual.

This is in contrast to the U.S., where, as my 69-year-old-aunt so eloquently puts it, "Life's a bitch and then you die." And don't expect anyone to visit your grave after you're gone, except when other family members die and join the plot. OK, OK, we might visit graves two or three times during our lives, but every spring and fall equinox plus Bon? Such organized ancestor worship is unheard-of in my country.

So I was surprised when I was home last week and my mother dragged me to a grave site of a relative who died 201 years ago. "Your great-great-great-great-great-grandfather is buried at the Gold Star Chili," she informed me. We drove for an hour on the highway until we got off at an exit with a row of fast food restaurants. My mother turned into the Gold Star Chili parking lot and parked behind the building. In the green grass between the restaurant and the road was a small white fence around a gravestone that said, "Ezekiel Walker, 1745-1805."