So you've decided to escape to the countryside for the long holiday weekend? Well, fine, but if you're wanting to get back in touch with nature, be prepared. If you come to an island like mine, you will have entered a world cut off not only from city life, but from the mainland as well. Without a major city nearby, it's like having an extra dose of countryside. We're real country bumpkins.

While it is said that the Japanese are getting taller, on our island, they're actually getting shorter. People live so long here that they're more bent over every year until finally they just disappear into the ground. This is the real meaning of Japan's "shrinking population." Rarely do you find such a large group of elderly people all living in one place, like our own old folks island. I bet those bent-over "o-baa-chans" wish they had listened to their mother's advice about posture now. On the other hand, this is one of our secrets to being closer to nature. From your bird's eye view, we may appear as just an ant colony, but it is likely that we are merely relatives of the "Inch High Samurai." We are proud to be an island of country bumpkin munchkins.

Since you'll already feel like a Tokyo high-rise walking around here, I recommend that you city ladies not wear heels. Besides, in the countryside, you'll want as much sole space as possible to hinder those aggressive crawling insects. Imagine encountering a centipede in your path: just your two legs against one hundred! You'd better make sure your two shoes have very large soles. Proper foot attire in these parts, for both men and women, is "nagagutsu" (literally, "long shoes"). These 100 percent rubber boots are one size fits all. Don't worry, even if you have a huge "gaijin" foot, it will have shrunk to the proper size after perspiring all day inside these.