Every eight years, our neighborhood has "matsuri toban," or festival duty, which means we are in charge of all the island festivals for the year. One house within that neighborhood volunteers to set up decorations, receive guests at festival times and host the Shinto gods for the year.

But this year marks the beginning of a dying tradition, because for the first time, our neighborhood didn't have anyone qualified to host the gods.

I volunteered to take on the task, but didn't qualify. Like a yearlong VIP home stay, you must commit yourself to being home every day of the year and putting out offerings to the gods. Furthermore, the islanders probably knew that my "gaijin" offerings would not be traditional sake and rice but rather beer and potato chips. As well, the designated house must put up a large sum of money for the offerings, which would surely be such a stress on my grocery budget that I'd starve to death.