I have been "restored."

Sounds good, huh? Perhaps you envision a trimmer tummy, steam-pressed wrinkles and a re-cultivated forest of hair, not the thinning wasteland I have now.

Or perhaps you prefer a more spiritual interpretation and believe I hereby possess -- in no particular order -- renewed faith in Santa Claus, the Chicago Cubs, Bill Clinton, bell-bottom slacks, Enron securities and more.