Today I bring you "Real Conversations From the English Classroom."

You will notice that I am not a very effective English teacher. The only evidence I have taught my students anything is that most have acquired "latent 's' syndrome," in which they add the "s" plural as an afterthought, after prompting by their teacher. Rather than producing the "s" sound, however, they produce a heavily accented "zu." The plural "apples" thus becomes "apple . . . zu."

Now let's listen in on some of my English conversation classes for adults. These are "free conversation" classes, and today everyone wanted to talk about marriage.