My garden is a mixture of potted house plants, herbs and flowers. I can't help but think that when I'm not home, they squabble. I don't think they're your average garden-variety squabbles, either.
The culprit is Martin, a spiny cactus known for his terrific insults: "Hyacinths come from a line of evil roots!"
"I do not," cries the hyacinth. "Besides, I don't have roots."