Since Japan has finally started to perform organ transplants, I can finally ask Santa for what I've always wanted -- an organ. And no, I don't mean a sex change. The organ I want happens to belong to a cow. And no, I don't mean the udder. What I'd like from a cow is something that would make my life a lot easier. So for Christmas, I'd like to ask Santa for a cow-stomach transplant. I want four stomachs, just like a cow, so I can chew my cud. Wouldn't it be lovely!

If I could chew my cud, I could have second servings of all those holiday desserts without the extra calories. If I could chew my cud, I wouldn't have to bake a turkey for Christmas -- I could just cough up the last one from Thanksgiving. And if everyone else would get a cow-stomach transplant too, Christmas dinner would consist of everyone sitting together around the dinner table chewing the fat. I wouldn't even need to set the table.

If I could chew my cud, the next time I went to a Japanese restaurant and was served sea slugs or natto, I could just sit back and discreetly eat my own meal. If I could chew my cud, I'd always have something to bring to a potluck party. And hostesses wouldn't send me home with the leftovers -- I'd already have them.