Yesterday I went into a convenience store to buy some aspirin. I asked the clerk using the English loanword "asupirin." The clerk pointed to the freezer section and said, "it's over there." "No, not 'aisu kurimu,' asupirin," I said. "Pudding?" he asked. At that point, he did what all befuddled clerks do when they can't understand the "gaijin," he disappeared. Moments later another person came out and said, "Can I help you?" I said, again, I requested asupirin and told her that I had a headache. She said, "Oh, you mean 'zutsu yakuhin' (headache medicine). You have to go to a pharmacy for that."

I couldn't help thinking how much easier Japanese language would be if you didn't have to speak it. Sometimes I wonder if we would be able to communicate better through sign language. I admit that my sign language is limited to that for "You--drive--me--crazy," but gestures should count for something. It would be very helpful if we could come up with a universal system of gestures. This would be perfect for those who don't want to learn an entire second language. Today I will share with you some entries from my unpublished book, "Esperanto Sign Language."

The Traffic Cop. Everybody is familiar with the traffic cop's gestures for routing traffic on the street. But you can also find hostesses in restaurants using traffic-cop gestures to direct foreigners to an open table. The hostess is thinking, "My God -- foreigners! What if they don't understand Japanese?!" and the arms start flailing and pointing in the direction of an open table. It works.